The Power of a Good PR Rep

Here in the Halloween season, it's hard not to have one's mind turn to thoughts of monsters.

Goolish, creepy, scary monsters.

We all have the cast of characters from our childhood (or even adulthood) that can still send a chill down the ol' spine.

For me, it's La Llorona. Just saying her name aloud creeps me out.

But didja ever stop and think a bit about the positive characters in our folklore that are more than a little creepy?

Maybe our beloved heroes are really the biggest monsters.

Think about it.

Let me give you an example, without the positive PR spin.

Kids, guess what!? There is this lady, see? She's something called a fairy and that means she's pretty tiny and probably has wings on her back.

Do you know what this lady likes (and by like I mean is obsessed with)?

Your teeth.

Yes, she loves little kids teeth SO much she will even pay for them!

Be careful when you go to sleep at night because this wacked out winged lady is going to break into your house and steal your teeth! Sure, she might leave you a quarter or for lucky kids, a dollar.

Keep your mouth closed while you sleep, kids! She may steal the rest right out of your maw while you sleep!

Or, try this one on:

How does Santa Claus look to a kid growing up in Brazil?

So, December 25th is the dead of summer to you. You're wearing shorts and tank tops and hoping for a break in the heat.

On that one special night, some fat Nordic man in a snowsuit (you gotta be crazy to wear a snow suit in summer!) is going to show up, break into your house, and leave you toys. All your favorite toys.

Wait? How does Kris The Fat Man know exactly what toys you wanted?

Because he sees you when you are sleeping. He knows when you are awake.

The fat Nordic man is a stalker, kids. Can you say stalker?

I suggest you take out a restraining order now.

Ok, are you starting to see what I'm saying here?

Wanna try one more?

There is this rabbit, see? And in April, as a way to celebrate Spring, the rabbit will come to your house and leave you eggs.

But kids, you learned in your science class that a rabbit is something called a mammal, and mammals don't lay eggs!

Whoops! Where does this strange bunny get all these eggs and why does he hide them?

And...bunnies don’t have opposable thumbs, so how is he getting these eggs dyed in bright colors?

And why is he trying to lure all the little kids outside with promises of jellybeans and chocolate? Didn't your parents tell you not to take candy from strangers?

What kid of sick, twisted, walks on two feet kind of rabbit is this?

Though in this horror story, the kids get the final revenge.

They are presented with a chocolate effigy of the offending monster and are encouraged to bite the head off.

So wait a minute.

Maybe that means....just maybe...we are all the monster.

Hmmm..........

Oooh, that's troubling

Last evening, I was heating up some soup on my electric stove. I managed to drop a bit right in that space between burner coil and the stovetop.

So, stupidly, I stuck my finger down in there to wipe it out. I was thinking, at the time, I don't want that bit of soup to burn and smoke up the place.

Predictably, my finger accidentally touched the now hot burner coil, and instead of burning soup, I burned my skin.

I leapt back then turned quickly to the sink to run the burn under cold water.

As I rinsed the burn, I thought, "hmm, my food sure smells good!"

The soup was still on the burner, beginning to warm up.

Only problem was, the soup was tomato, and the smell I was savoring had a more meaty tone.

I turned to look, and saw a little smoke rising from the burner from under the pan. It was then I realized that the little bit of skin I'd left behind from the burn was now cooking, a little tomato soup on top for seasoning.

Let me say that again. What I thought, "ooh that smells tasty" about was my OWN SKIN cooking.

I'm now a little skeeved out at myself.

It's like meeting a really great guy at the party, only to find out he's your first cousin.

It's how Luke Skywalker felt when he found out that the woman he'd been perving out about was his twin sister.

The Good Man does, occasionally, refer to me as his "tasty little morsel."

I just never knew that was also true pan-fried and served with a side of rice.

And a nice chianti.

: shudder :

That's very punny!

Halloween *groan* jokes. Found at My Loonyverse blog.


You might be a redneck if the jack-o-lantern on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

Why did the vampire buy Nyquil? To stop his coffin.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch

What kind of music do mummies listen to? Rap. (get it? Wrap?)

Where does the ghost take his family on vacation? Mali-boo.

What do you call someone who puts poison in the Cheerios? A cereal killer.

What is the witch's favorite subject? Spelling.

Why don't mummies go on vacation? They are afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Where do ghosts get their nails done? The boo-ty parlor.

What is a vampires biggest fear? Tooth decay.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour-puss.

Why aren't there any famous skeletons? They're a bunch of nobodies.

What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? Pumpkin pi.

How do you get the jack-o-lantern to stop smoking? Give him a pumpkin patch.

What is the zombie's favorite dessert? Ladyfingers.

(I think pumpkin pi is my fave!)

So. 4:30 a.m. huh? Really?

Balloon Fiesta gates open, at, ahem, 4:30 in the morning.

What the $%#& am I thinking?

And to make it more fun, it is supposed to rain tomorrow. Oh yay.

Wonder how many of the seven dwarves I can be tomorrow? Cranky and snarky are part of the crew right?

Let's see, there's sleepy, cranky, snarky, PMSy, drunkey, slap happy, and Bob.

Right?

Wheee!

Mua ha hahaha ah ah!

I have turned my minions into zombies! Zombies, I tell you!

I have shared with the minions my little addiction, and they have succumbed as have I, their mighty leader!

Oh yes.

See, while on road trip over the Fourth of July, in some forgotten town off of Highway 5, with snackies on my mind, I picked up two packs of these little beauties:

I took them and squirreled them into our car and I ATE them. Oh yes I did. Every one of them. I didn't even offer one to The Good Man. I just ate 'em and ate 'em until they were gone.

Like that first hit off a crack pipe, I was done. I succumbed. First taste is free....then you're gonna pay.

While devouring these nutty little heroin balls, I saw that the Pnuttles people had a website where they vend their product. Then, I thought...maybe I can save a couple bucks by ordering from Amazon.

To Amazon I went and YES! there they were. Only...it's more complicated. I found the butter toffee almonds....but with *cinnamon* added. I didn't even look at price, I one-click ordered those bad boys so fast your head would swim!

Oh my.

Last evening I arrived home from a difficult day at work to find that my precious had been delivered to the front door step. Yes!

I tore into the box like a wild animal to discover that I had purchased not one but TWO jars of my addiction. WHAT!?!?

Turns out I ordered 1 each of a two pack. Good lord.

The Husbandnator looked in askance (remember, at this point he was not yet a Pnuttles zombie), "we can't eat all of those" he told me.

I shrank back, protecting my precious. But then cooler heads prevailed, and I realized he's right.

"I'll take one to work," I replied.

That seemed reasonable, we agreed, then cracked open the jar we were keeping.

Husband took a few bites and declared "EVIL!"

Umm hmmm.....

We sat on the couch, feeding our addiction, watching who cares what on the television. Didn't matter, only the constant crunch crunch of not-too-sweet delicious toffee almonds.

Today, I brought the other jar to work. I posted a note, "These are very addictive. Enjoy!"

That was twenty minutes ago and there is now a line of zombie minions coming to my door exclaiming "these are sooooo goooood"

Yup.

My Pnuttles army of zombies increases. We are unstoppable! (except for when the jar runs out and we all flop over in sugar coma)

Here's where you too can succumb and become a member:

Link