Taking the Challenge

Blogging friend and frequent commenter SinPantalones has challenged her readers to answer ten of her personally handcrafted questions.

Then, once answered, we are further challenged to write ten of our own and present them to our readers to do the same.

Sort of one them thar internet meme things, I think.

Anyhoo, I'm easily entertained by such things, and so, I officially take the challenge

Here we go:

1) Breakfast sausage: Patties or links?

Oh patties, hands down. I may be in the minority on this. I sort of hate the skin thing that links are wrapped in. I know it used to be animal intestine, but now it's something weird that I can't quite digest. Plus, with patties, your odds of a fully cooked sausage are much higher. I can't tell you how much I hate biting into a link sausage and finding it uncooked in the middle. Bleeecky.

2) I hate to do this to you, but I'm going to resort to the age-old Desert Island question. Which three LPs/CDs/musical collections and which three books would you like to have with you if you were stranded on an unpopulated desert island?

Okay, this is a tough one. Three records: The Mavericks "Music for all Occasions, Alison Krauss & Union Station "I've Got That Old Feeling" and probably the George Strait box set.

As for books..."Lonesome Dove" by Larry McMurtry, "Moby Dick" by Herman Mellville (because hell, I'll have some time on my hands and a long book might be helpful) and maybe "The Sun Also Rises" by Hemingway.

3) Toilet paper: Over or under?

Over. Absolutely over. I'm very, very firm about this.

4) If you could wish any one celebrity completely and utterly out of existence--POOF!-- who would it be?

I was going to say Heidi Montag, but she's not really a celebrity and her 15 minutes are up soon.

So I'm going with Tom Cruise. I'm sure I don't have to explain why.

5) As regards dating/attraction, what are your three biggest dealbreakers? What three qualities/attributes/characteristics can you simply not stomach?

Hmm, this is a tough one. Over the years I've learned a lot about how every person has something that is intriguing. Yes, I said everyone.

So turn offs have to be pretty serious. I guess going back over my sketchy dating past, I'd have to say anyone verbally and/or physically abusive is a no go. An alcoholic and/or recreational drug user is also a no way. And finally, someone who is unwilling to put me and our relationship as top priority.

That last one is a big deal for me.

6) What is your favorite television commercial and why?

My bologna has a first name, it's O-s-c-a-r...

Cute, catchy and makes bologna sound appetizing!

7) What is your comfort food?

Oh so hard to pick just one. Probably Velveeta cheese chile con queso over fresh corn chips.

8) It's 1979 and you are a heterosexual man. (Or a homosexual woman, actually. Either one. You choose.) You can have a steamy one-night stand with Linda Ronstadt, Stevie Nicks, Tina Turner, or Olivia Newton John. Which one?

Ooooh, tough call between Stevie and Tina. I think Tina would scare me so bad (but in a real nice way) that I'd have trouble stepping *up* to the challenge, so to speak.

Steve is probably a little freaky. Ok, I'll go Stevie.

9) When you were eight years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? Or was that even something you were thinking about at the time?

Weirdly, I used to play that I owned my own business when I was a kid. My folks had this huge adding machine that I used as a cash register and I made up these invoices with carbon paper between the pages.

I cringe now thinking on it, but it's true. I played at being a business lady.

Strange ass kid. Where were my dreams of being a superstar?! A model?! An actress!? A ballerina? Nope, Little Miss Practicality....

10) If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be?

My genetic disposition to a lower tummy. No matter how much weight I lose, no matter how skinny the women in my family get, there is always that belly out there.

Ever since I was a little kid, I yearned for a flat tummy. I've never in my life had it.

______________

Ok, on that low self esteem note...here's my ten questions.

I challenge my readers to answer on their blog and post a link in the comments. I look forward to reading your replies!!

1) What is your favorite fast food place, and why? Any answers of "oh, I never eat fast food" will be disqualified.

2) If you could be any one famous person for a week, who would it be and what would you do as that person?

3) Regarding the gas tank in your car, are you one of those "never let it get below half a tank" people, or do you run it down to fumes before getting a fill up?

4) If you could be gifted with either the talent of truly gifted athlete (think Willie Mays, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky) or the intellect of a Nobel Prize winning scientist (think Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein), which would you choose, and why?

5) Slushies come in three flavors: grape, orange and cherry. Which flavor do you choose?

6) Do you play the lottery? If so, how often and have you ever had any luck? If no, why not?

7) Have you ever "borrowed" somebody else's stuff from the office 'fridge? (lunch, CoffeMate, yogurt, etc)

8) Speaking of the office. Here's the scenario: You need to make a copy so you walk up to the copy machine. The readout flashes, "paper jam". Do you turn around and walk away, or do you try to fix the problem?

9) Who is the most famous person you have ever actually met in person. As in shook their hand or had them speak directly to you or signed an autograph for you personally.

10) After living a full life where you have accomplished all of your goals, you find it is your last day on Earth. You are provided a last meal consisting of whatever food and beverage you choose. What do you order?

Ok class, grab your #2 pencils and let's get to work! I look forward to reading your answers!

That's not *supposed* to be funny

And yet, it is.

Was reading an article today in the online version of the San Francisco Chronicle, the SFGate with the headline of "Flushed jail items cause S.F. court flooding."

The article talks about how inmates at the San Francisco Hall of Justice managed to flush two orange jumpsuits and a bed sheet down the toilet, thus causing a major backup of raw sewage into the courtrooms.

Workers got the mess cleaned up last night only to have it flood again in the morning.

Just. Ew. Talk about a crappy day at work.

Sorry. No really, I actually am sorry. I've been on a pun kick lately. But that's not the funny part.

The funny part comes toward the end of the article.

Here, I'll quote it directly:

"...the last major problem occurred in the mid-1990s and prompted the city to purchase grinders, known as 'muffin monsters,' that are installed on sewage pipes."

Giggle. *snort* Chuckle. Guffaw.

Muffin monsters?

Ok really. Honestly?

How am I not supposed to laugh at that?

I immediately dashed into the other room to share my new phrase with The Good Man.

Thus proving once more that I am the intellectual equivalent of a twelve-year-old boy.

But come ON. Muffin monsters?

Ok, ok, they really exist and that's really what the manufacturer calls them.

They look like this:

That's all well and good, but I don’t care who you are, that's still funny!

*giggle snort*

The Irony of the Internets

Oh mighty interwebs, how you amuse me with your advertising and your behind-the-scenes formulas for placing the right ad on the right content.

And so, as I was searching for a delicious, yet not healthy at all, soup recipe, I found this.

Yeah, so given the choice of whatever torture, pill or unguent I have to endure for the "tiny belly" or to nosh on homemade cheddar beer soup, I'm gonna go with the soup.

And the beer. One for the soup, one for the cook.

A not very scientific analysis

Seeking to up the volume of traffic to this little blog of mine, I recently joined a free service that can help drive some eyeballs my direction.

The way it works is this: you have to start out by earning credits. To earn credits, you surf the blogs and websites of other members, stay there for at least thirty seconds, and then click a button to log your visit.

Once you have credits, based on how many you have, your blog gets put into the rotation. With that, your site starts to get views, with the hope you'll find some sticky visitors.

So I've been doing this, idly surfing websites, while watching television or doing other internet surfing, working to earn plenty of credits.

Over the past couple days, I've looked at a lot of blogs. I've even found a few new sites I'll keep visiting (see, the process works!).

I've also discovered that there is A LOT of dreck out there.

So based on two days of this surfing along, here is my not very scientific conclusion:

The majority of blogs out there on the internets are written by Malaysian teenage girls. Some boys too, but mostly girls.

Malaysian teenage girls who like to post photos taken with their phone cameras.

Photos of themselves with their boyfriends. Photos of them with their BFF's. And usually at least one photo of their parents who always *clearly* look like they don't want to have their picture taken.

Oh, and food. Over the past days, I've seen a LOT of sushi, udon noodle bowls and a preponderance of mochi.

I knew mochi was gaining popularity here in the Bay Area, I had no idea just how crazy the Malaysian people are for this confectionary treat. Especially mochi ice cream. That shows up on a lot of blogs.

Who knew? Apparently, this whole time, if I wanted more views, I just needed to post this:

Behold, original mochi (with red bean paste center)

Semantics, what a kick!

I am quite the fan of words and language, and so it's no surprise that while traversing the interwebs yesterday, I was drawn to an article talking about an affinity (or lack thereof) for certain words.

It's not very interesting to know that love is picked most often as a favorite and hate picked as least favored.

But it's the words that come in next on the list that were really fascinating to me.

Evidently, there is a good portion of the world that have a real problem with the word moist, devoting Facebook pages and blogs to the hatred of this word.

Hmm.

I'm ok with moist. It doesn't have a bad connotation for me. I also like to use the made-up derivation moisty when referring to something that has a moist quality. Like, those damp Swiffer cloths. Those are "the moisty-kind Swiffers" (an abomination of the English language, I don't deny).

Another disfavored word on the list is panties, and I'll admit, I'm not a fan either. It is probably because the word is most often used by guys, and said with a letch quality to it. Skeeving me out doesn't make me like a word so much.

However, I LOVE the word chones for the same article of clothing.

Yes, I own my Spanglish. I'm a New Mexican, it's our state language. (Look no further than the "Toss No Mas" ad campaign!)

Also, people seem not to like the word ointment. I like it. Gotta say it with heavy emphasis on the "oi" part, though, and make a funny face while you do it. Makes the word fun!

But! I *much* prefer unguent (also said with a face). Man, that's a great word. Salve is not bad either.

Some of the words on the hated list, like vomit, are more about the connotation of the word and not the word itself. Vomit can be fun to say! But no so much fun to do. So I guess I get why people don't like it. I think the word itself gets a bad rap.

And one person notes her least fave word is vigil, which, must be a weird one-person thing, because I don’t get it.

I tried to think about what is my own least favorite word and nothing came immediately to mind. I can pretty much find something redeemable in most words.

While taking a walk, I realized that the words that make me wince are usually the made up and overused business-speak like mindshare and synergy.

Right now my least favorite word has to be optics. Not the word itself, but how it's used at my job. It is put in place of "how it looks". So, for example, if a supplier hands you the keys to a brand new Porche, even if it's only to go for a fun spin around the parking lot, the optics of the situation are bad.

I was told, after one of my employees messed something up and the complaint went all the way to the VP, "yeah, the optics aren't good on this situation."

It's sort of a way to make something sound scientific and serious...when it's NOT.

Favorite words? Onomatopoeias (words that sound like what they mean). Squelch!! Boom! Bap!

Delicious bon mots for the day!

Oh, and simpatico. LOVE that word!

Yeah. Good stuff.

Call me Jade

This morning, I was listening to the radio, and there was random blather about how the son of David Bowie has a new movie coming out. They discussed how the young fellow has changed his birth name, Zoey Bowie, to the more normal Duncan Jones. (for obvious reasons, they say).

Which led to a conversation about David Bowie's real name, David Jones, for those who don't know. He changed it because, at the time, Davy Jones of The Monkees was popular, and so to avoid confusion... (now, in hindsight, could anyone *ever* confuse Davy Jones with David Bowie? I think not.)

Plus, Bowie is a more "sticky" word (as they say in advertising). I mean...you could say, "wow, the music of Jones..." and one might wonder "Quincy? Tom? Norah? Davy?" right? But say Bowie, and you know...ol' Ziggy Stardust himself. (Total aside...for some reason, Ziggy Stardust is one of the top keyword searches in Google that gets people to my blog...because of one random post where I named checked his glam self. So this oughta really bring 'em around!)

So, as I took this all in, I had a thought...you know, those rock star names work!

John Mellencamp? John Cougar!

Curtis Jackson? 50 Cent!

William Bailey? Axl Rose!

Declan McManus? Elvis Costello!

Patricia Andrejewski? Pat Benatar!

The list goes on. More here.

So then all the cogs and gears of my own mind started working overtime (ignore the smoke).

I need a rock star name.

Sure, those two years of (now defunct) guitar lessons might pay off! My rendition of Red River Valley is *flawless* and I can swing an acoustic axe with the best of the third graders.

Truly. My plain jane name needs a makeover.

So what's a normal named soul to do? Why take to the internets, of course!

And find and use a Rock Star Name Generator.

I'll admit, the first suggestion amused me not. Ellyn Carnes? No.

It doesn't have that "I trash hotel rooms" sound I'm looking for.

So I went again, and there it was.

My rock star name.

Perfect.

Who am I?

You know, the more popular online stores, the Amazons and the iTunes of the world are getting more sinister sneaky creative.

They have started these "recommended for you" features or "just for you" picks.

The choices are based on what you have looked at or bought in the past. iTunes also looks at your current library to make recommendations.

Which is both cool and diabolical because it makes me buy more. I mean, they find stuff I may not have thought of! I've dropped serious coin after an hour on the "just for you" feature on iTunes.

So when I'm bored, I'll go over and take a gander to see what's recommended. Maybe I'll make a new find!

However...I'm starting to get nervous about just what, exactly, my "recommended for you" lists say about me.

Here is an actual screen capture of my actual "Just for You" list on iTunes:

This does not say "hip cat". This does not say "cutting edge". This does not say "wow, you are the person people want to be like".

This says...you are lame as hell and listen to the kind of music they play in the elevators around the world.

I can't even debate the choices. I *adore* Roger Miller, I already own that Lynn Anderson, and I've been known to favor a tune or ten by Mickey Gilley. I used to own that Goo Goo Dolls (but wearied of them) and that Michael McDonald song is one of my all time favorites. Oh and that song "Wildfire"...well, it brings a tear to the eye every time.

Fine. I'm a dork. Whatever.

This is like going to the dentist with teeth you are pretty sure are spotless and then they make you chew that red tablet and show you just how god awful dirty your teeth really are.

Sometimes it's better not to look too closely in the mirror.

I won't *even* share my Amazon recommendations list. My mother reads this blog, fer goodness sakes! I swear I only accidentally clicked on that questionable item ONCE! I swear!

This day in history

I remember that day. St. Paddy's Day, 2007. Yes, a magical day by all accounts.

No leprechauns leaped. No green beer was guzzled. No four-leaf clovers were molested.

But I did have the luck of the Irish : wink :

It was on this date, two years ago, that Oh Fair New Mexico breathed its first blog post.

It was The Good Man who first suggested the theme for my blog. He went with the "write what you know" angle, and it worked. Ok, more often than not, this blog is my personal ramblings and not really NM related, but that's ok too. I took the idea and ran with it, as they say.

I'd wanted to write a blog for the discipline of writing something every day. I wanted more than an extensive journal rat-a-tapped in Word and kept on my hard drive. I wanted a place to publicly air my thoughts and twisted ideas.

I remember in the beginning, I timidly sent Avelino Maestas an email asking for advice. His blog seemed so freaking cool, what with his gorgeous photographs interspersed with is his witty, smart writing. I had NO idea how to blog, and Avelino very kindly gave me some pointers and encouragement and then out of the nest I fell to test my own ideas.

So here I am at 532 blog posts later and I think my wings are getting a bit stronger.

My work as a writer has increased IMMENSELY because of the discipline of writing this blog every weekday. Some days I cramp up for ideas and then I force myself to write something anyway, even if it's terrible. Some days, I have more ideas than I can put down in writing.

Often, my loving husband (who was but a boyfriend when this whole thing began) will say, "I can't believe you blogged about that" (most recent example was about the toilets at a restaurant we visited).

Occasionally I have blogged about something that hits me on a very deep emotional level, and I know that maybe no one wants to hear me, but I have to say it anyway.

Once or twice I've even gotten political.

My most popular post thus far caught me off guard. I wrote it for me, the melancholy of a NM ex-pat longing for home at the holidays. But it evidently struck a chord with some of the folks back home, too.

So I continue on with my blog. It's for me. It's for you. It's for New Mexico. Each year I go through the agony of missing where I come from and reconciling to where I live now. The ebb and flow of life.

For all the folks who give me a read now and then, thank you. I actually cannot properly express my gratitude. As someone trying very hard to make a go as a writer, any pair of eyes on anything I write is a genuine gift.

I realize that these sort of blogiversary posts are rather self-congratulatory. Heck, in the midst of all the rejection letters I get from publishers..if I don't pat my ownself on the back, who else is gonna do it for me?

By the way...The Good Man has promised me a dinner at a really nice restaurant when I get 100 visitors in one day on this blog. The closest I've come is 88. So my goal in the third year of blogging is to finally collect on that dinner! I know ya'll can help me with my cause!

Meanwhile, Oh Fair New Mexico, you still sing a song in my heart. You and me, we are one. Thanks for the inspiration and for my humble beginnings.

Cheers to the next 500 posts!

Photo by Karen Fayeth

Unpopular

Been thinking about NewMexiKen's observations on Twitter and Facebook, and the old fogeyism that may be alive and well.

The Good Man and I talk this topic over quite a bit and have vowed, together, that we are firmly anti-Facebook. Nope. Not going to do it. You can't make me.

So there.

Although, making this decision, we also find ourselves in the minority of our friends and coworkers. My mother has a Facebook page for crimeny's sake!

No, TGM and I stand together. Then I discussed it with my sister. She, too, is in the "no way, unh-uh" club.

We were starting to think it was just the three of us, but then TGM found some supporting evidence online...

From The Weekly Standard:

"... no matter how long I live, no matter how much pressure is exerted, no matter how socially isolated I become, I will never, ever join Facebook..."

and

"...collecting Facebook friends is the equivalent of being a catlady, collecting numerous Himalayans, which you have neither the time nor the inclination to feed."

Ouch. Ok, maybe I'm not quite as adamant as Matt Labash, who goes so far as to use the term "facetards". But still....

I...just....can't.

And then there is Twitter. Ok, I'm signed up, but I do not Tweet.

I'm hoping now that the Republicans have made Twitter and Facebook cool, they will both die the painful deaths they deserve...until the next cool internet meme comes along.

I remain,

Your Luddite blogger using email and *gasp*, my phone to stay in contact with my actual flesh and blood friends.