And We Haven't Piped Down Since

Today, August 18, 2010, marks ninety years since the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution was ratified.

In case you are a little shy on your constitutional amendments, here is some of the actual text:

"The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex."

That right. On August 19, 1920, women got the right to vote.

It took Tennessee's legislature to pass the proposed amendment by one little vote for (the 36th state to ratify) to cause the 19th Amendment to become a part of the United States Constitution.

(I'm pleased to note that California was 18th and New Mexico was 32nd. Nice early adoption from my two home states.)

The 19th Amendment gave women a voice. An official voice.

This meant that a woman didn't have to defer to a man to make her choices about how this country should be run.

My folks were married almost fifty years. My old man was an old fashioned guy. In their early years, he used to tell his wife how to vote. Many years later, my mom admitted to me that she'd go to the polls and vote the exact opposite way.

The 19th Amendment gave her that right!

Recently, over a family dinner, for no reason I could fathom, my eleven-year-old sister-in-law broke out and asked, "did you vote for Al Gore?"

I replied, "No, I didn't vote for Al Gore. I also didn't vote for George Bush. I think I voted for Ralph Nader that year. I believe it's essential to cast a vote, even if it is a dissenting vote."

I'm allowed to do that. You know why? The 19th Amendment to the Constitution!

Heck, I can cast my vote willy-nilly all over the place! And I don't have to have a nilly ol' willy to do so!

(This juncture is SO ripe for a "pull the lever" pun, but I'll refrain.)

I've voted in every Presidential election since I turned eighteen and I've voted in most of the minor elections too.

This November, on behalf of my residency in the State of California and my Suffragette sisters from the past, I will cast a vote for some random person for Governor, because I sure as hell am not voting for either Jerry Brown or Meg Whitman.

But I'm gonna vote.

I'm making my voice heard for Susan B!

Watch me now, heh!

Ok. In case anybody asks...

I'm going to help make you the smartest margarita drinker in the bar.

So what, exactly is Cinco de Mayo?

Ok, so like a super long time ago (1860's) there was this Mexican president named Benito Juarez...totally like that border town, you know?

Anyhow, Benito stopped making payments on debt owed to France.

And France was all like "Whoa man! No waaaay" and they *attacked* Mexico to get their money.

Then they totally thought they would also take over Mexico, and that would teach them a lesson and stuff.

But Mexico was all like "No way Jose!" and they fought back.

And in this one battle in the city of Puebla on May 5, 1862, the Mexican army totally kicked some French *ass* and there was much rejoicing.

And so we drink tequila and eat guacamole in memory of those valiant Mexican fighters!

Unfortunately...it didn't really hold up the French for long and by a year later they occupied Mexico City.

Some French dude named Maximilian thought he was all kinds of hot sh*t. Whatever Max!

Then the U.S. was all like "stop acting like children! Take your toys and go home!"

So they did. And Benito Juarez got to be president again.

But anyhow, there was that one super huge battle in Puebla, against all odds, and so that's why we all have to eat Mexican food and drink and stuff.

It's super patriotic.

I swear!

Mostly.

Source: Wikipedia

2007 Cinco de Mayo parade, Calistoga, CA. Image by Karen Fayeth.

Come tip a glass with me!

Yes, tis time to celebrate St. Paddy's Day again. The wearin' of the green. The drinking, and the pinching (not necessarily in that order).

But St. Paddy's Day means something different here on ol' Oh Fair New Mexico.

Twas St. Paddy's Day 2007 that my little blog was begun.

Three years and 860 posts later, it's still going strong.

Look, three years ago, I didn't know if I had a year's worth of content in me, but I was willing to try. It was The Good Man's idea to start a blog and damnit, I guess I have to admit he was right.

He really is, you know, a good man. Smart too. Dashing, handsome...but I digress.

My meager three years don't come anywhere near the longevity and volume of blog friend, NewMexiKen. He just celebrated six years at his own url and is closer to seven years blogging and still getting ten to fifteen posts a day. I am humbled in his sheer blogging presence.

But my three years still beats the heck out of a lot of blogs I've seen rise and fall since I got my start.

Cheers! To Oh Fair New Mexico and another year of random acts of bloggery.

And Happy St. Patrick's Day! To celebrate I took my new (to me) camera and snapped the prolific clover in the backyard.

I think it's beautiful. My landlord curses at it.

And so goes the ways of my world.

(I don't see any four leafers in there, do you?)

Still breaking this thing in

Last month, it was complete happiness and joy to celebrate my one year anniversary! Wow, a whole year.

Both of us marveled at how fast a year could fly by, and had great times remembering our wedding day. Truly, the best day of my life.

Just this week, we finally finished up our wedding albums (yay!) and so it goes, into the life of a married couple.

A few weeks ago, The Good Man had occasion to laugh and point at me (this happens fairly often, actually). He said, "You're still not used to having someone around all the time, are you?"

Well. No, actually.

I mean. I was single for a long time.

And for a while, even when I was in a couple, we had such different schedules that I found myself with a lot of alone time on my hands. Which was ok.

Don't misunderstand. I love my husband and miss him with an ache in my chest when he's not nearby.

But...

Look, we all do things we're not proud of. And, well, it's often better to do such things without a witness.

Like, I don't know, eating a dozen donuts, while still wearing your stained nightgown at 3:00 in the afternoon, sitting on the couch watching re-runs of "The Hills" or "Real Housewives" or something.

Or...

Listening to "The Big 80's" radio station, indulging in the strains of "Tainted Love" or "Jump for my Love" or "Love is a Battlefield" without *someone* commenting "oh. my. god. Why are you listening to that?"

Or...

Putting a goopy green mask on your face while painting your toenails and plucking your eyebrows without hearing "Agh!"

Or...

Belting out a show tune, for no reason at all.

Or...

Needing to spend some, erm...time, in the one restroom in the house...without some damn boy standing outside the door making farty noises with his mouth. Cuz that's not funny. And it's rather embarrassing. But it makes him laugh every time so I can't be too mad, because he's adorable when he laughs.

You get my drift.

This marriage thing...it's like breaking in a new pair of shoes that you *know* will be incredibly comfortable, but you gotta wear through the tight spots first.

This day in history

I remember that day. St. Paddy's Day, 2007. Yes, a magical day by all accounts.

No leprechauns leaped. No green beer was guzzled. No four-leaf clovers were molested.

But I did have the luck of the Irish : wink :

It was on this date, two years ago, that Oh Fair New Mexico breathed its first blog post.

It was The Good Man who first suggested the theme for my blog. He went with the "write what you know" angle, and it worked. Ok, more often than not, this blog is my personal ramblings and not really NM related, but that's ok too. I took the idea and ran with it, as they say.

I'd wanted to write a blog for the discipline of writing something every day. I wanted more than an extensive journal rat-a-tapped in Word and kept on my hard drive. I wanted a place to publicly air my thoughts and twisted ideas.

I remember in the beginning, I timidly sent Avelino Maestas an email asking for advice. His blog seemed so freaking cool, what with his gorgeous photographs interspersed with is his witty, smart writing. I had NO idea how to blog, and Avelino very kindly gave me some pointers and encouragement and then out of the nest I fell to test my own ideas.

So here I am at 532 blog posts later and I think my wings are getting a bit stronger.

My work as a writer has increased IMMENSELY because of the discipline of writing this blog every weekday. Some days I cramp up for ideas and then I force myself to write something anyway, even if it's terrible. Some days, I have more ideas than I can put down in writing.

Often, my loving husband (who was but a boyfriend when this whole thing began) will say, "I can't believe you blogged about that" (most recent example was about the toilets at a restaurant we visited).

Occasionally I have blogged about something that hits me on a very deep emotional level, and I know that maybe no one wants to hear me, but I have to say it anyway.

Once or twice I've even gotten political.

My most popular post thus far caught me off guard. I wrote it for me, the melancholy of a NM ex-pat longing for home at the holidays. But it evidently struck a chord with some of the folks back home, too.

So I continue on with my blog. It's for me. It's for you. It's for New Mexico. Each year I go through the agony of missing where I come from and reconciling to where I live now. The ebb and flow of life.

For all the folks who give me a read now and then, thank you. I actually cannot properly express my gratitude. As someone trying very hard to make a go as a writer, any pair of eyes on anything I write is a genuine gift.

I realize that these sort of blogiversary posts are rather self-congratulatory. Heck, in the midst of all the rejection letters I get from publishers..if I don't pat my ownself on the back, who else is gonna do it for me?

By the way...The Good Man has promised me a dinner at a really nice restaurant when I get 100 visitors in one day on this blog. The closest I've come is 88. So my goal in the third year of blogging is to finally collect on that dinner! I know ya'll can help me with my cause!

Meanwhile, Oh Fair New Mexico, you still sing a song in my heart. You and me, we are one. Thanks for the inspiration and for my humble beginnings.

Cheers to the next 500 posts!

Photo by Karen Fayeth

September 11th - A moment of reflection

The passing of seven years has maybe lessened the immediacy of the pain, the wrenching in the heart.

But it's still there. The hurt. The memories.

I had a chance to visit ground zero a couple years ago. What was most amazing was the nothing. The huge empty space in a booming metropolitan town.

I remember that day seven years ago in vivid detail. I remember where I was, what I was doing.

I'm amazed at how far I've come since then. How much personal loss I had in the wake of the national loss. How much I've grown. How much stronger I've become.

And on today, I mourn not only for those who lost their loved ones on that historic day, I mourn for who I was then…and take strength in the enduring power of human spirit.

This one goes out…

…To the one I love.

A special post today dedicated to The Good Man.

Happy One Month Anniversary, love!

And they said it wouldn't last…hee!

I can hardly wait to get home tonight.

Oh, to see my handsome husband, sure…

But mainly for:

CAKE!

Tonight we get to eat the top layer of that galldamn delicious and oh so heavenly wedding cake that neither one of us got to eat much of just one short month ago.

No having to beat the crush of our wedding guests. No fighting the servers to get a big slice of heaven.

Nope.

You. Me. Eight-inch diameter crème filled cake. Naughty!

Remember how pretty it was:

I personally think we should just cut that top layer down the middle, put half on one plate and half on the other and let the feeding frenzy BEGIN!

W00T!

Is is wrong I'm this excited about cake?

Well if it's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Happy Anniversary Good Man!

I believe one month is the cake anniversary…right?

My personal National Holiday

June 10th, a glorious day to be celebrated.

The Good Man was born on this day.

Feliz Cumpleaños my beautiful Gemini love.

I can hardly wait to celebrate today (and every day) with you.

Special thanks to the parents of The Good Man for creating such a genuinely good man.

I'm a very lucky girl….

Come to me…

Sweet precious weekend.

Glorious, tasty two days of freedom from the shackles that bind.

I need it.

Crave it.

And yet…here I am at work. I have more meetings yet to go today. Many more. One of them will be rather ugly.

So I'm still on an uphill trudge.

But other than the weekend, I have something to keep working toward. See, last night I had a conversation with my best good friend. If you can believe it (I can't) we celebrate twenty years of friendship this year. Mind boggling.

She makes her residence in Las Cruces and graciously offered to throw a backyard "together" for The Good Man and me and a variety of our friends. It will be a chance to catch up with my New Mexico familia and I couldn't be MORE excited to be there.

I mean, it's not just seeing old friends, hugging my beautiful godkids, breathing clear desert air, seeing mountains in the distance, resting, not working, but also one big reason……

I'm running about a quart low on green chile.

It should be a National Holiday*

(with all due deference to NewMexiKen's decision that today *isn't* a candidate for National Holiday. Damn Domenici for busting up my day!)

And on this day, a Karen was born, and it was good.

Until she grew up a little and her family would beg to differ…

So when I was little, my mom was always willing to make whatever cake or pie the birthday kid wanted. I usually chose a cake, a chocolate chip cake. My mom would whip it up out of a box and it was oh so yuuuum. It felt special to have the cake made just for me.

In honor of the kindness my mother showed me all those years, I decided to make my own cake for myself this year.

Mom, you'll note my layer cake is about as even as all the ones you and I made over the years.

Though in my defense, The Good Man and I have discovered our home on a hill built in the early 1940's isn't exactly level anymore. Doors don't stay open (or closed, depending) and my two layer of cake came out of the oven looking less like a square and more like a right-angled triangle. Can one work a Pythagorean theorem on a cake?

But as I've learned over the years, frosting can make up for a multitude of sins. And add a few too.

Last night on Birthday Eve, I endulged in a slab of cake. Not a piece, a slab. And it was gooooooood. Chocolate with vanilla frosting. Yes please!

And I am planning to celebrate even more. I've shaken off the birthday blues and enjoying the day. I even scored a few presents at work. How 'bout that!

Looking forward to the surprises The Good Man has in store.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños para ME!

_______________________________

Oh, an update for the folks who have asked about the progress of Plastic Surgery Kitty.

She's healing really well.

Here's a photo from this morning:

The last of the scab came off last night and the wound has healed nicely, is pink and healthy. Looks like she's come through it just fine! Much better photo than the last one I posted, huh?

Let the celebration begin early!

Ah yes, I'm a firm believer that celebrations of one's latest trip around the Sun are more than just a one day event. Oh noooo, there is way too much celebrating to get done that just 24 short hours cannot contain.

So though the actual anniversary of my birth (29 and holding and holding…and, uh, holding!) is tomorrow, the celebrations began Friday.

Tasty dinner and drinks with friends. They were in a bit of a scrap, nothing fatal. It just served to remind me that the greatest present I'll ever know is the love of The Good Man. Oh, sure, we scrap, but not that night. We held hands and enjoyed the warm evening sitting outside.

Saturday we took a road trip up to wine country. I'm starting to actually enjoy wine country more, despite the hoity aspects of it. The Good Man and I have found ways to enjoy it on our terms. I may not be able to "taste undertones of black cherry and moist fern covered flat stone" in my wine, but I'm starting to circle in on what I think tastes good to my personal buds. Fruity better than dry. Light rather than heavy.

Last year for my birfday, The Good Man and I spent time in Calistoga and visited a small winery, on the advice of my boss (and took in a Cinco de Mayo parade). The place is called Vincent Arroyo Winery and they are a pretty small operation. Mr. Arroyo is a retired engineer who decided to take up winemaking, and he does a fine job of it. They don’t yet sell their product in retail channels, selling most of it by subscription to members.

This small winery has one open house a year where they pull out their odds and ends (called Library Wines) and sell them to the general public. This open house just happens to be the first weekend of May. Works out well as a nice place to celebrate roundabout my birfday.

TGM and I were a bit shocked this year to see how much the event has grown. Last year, the winemaker himself was pouring tastes and patiently answering all my questions. This year it was a really big event with cars parked down the gravel road and many of Napa Valley's snoot out to play. About that I was displeased.

However, it took a few pours of wine to dramatically change my outlook.

And there was free food, so really, I can't complain.

It was a gorgeous spring day and the drive was wonderful. We did just a day trip, but yes, oh yes…a good time.

Sunday we went to Maker Faire. I'd heard about this in years past and was emboldened to go this year, because My Personal Jesus, The Crafty Chica was going to be there.

She gave a talk on one of the stages that morning and I not only got her autograph on my book, she was very patient as I TOTALLY geeked out and asked her a sampling of my millions of questions. She gave me amazing advice that I will use.

I'm currently working on a project that someone is actually paying me actual real money for (photos when completed, I promise) and of course doing this "on commission" makes me nervous. The goddess that is Kathy Cano-Murillo reassured me, gave me hints and sent me on my way.

Yay!

And just because I could, I took Monday off. I mean, Cinco de Mayo oughta be a national holiday, am I right?

With all that running around over the weekend, my Monday off was nice and quiet. I even baked up a cake (from a box) and made up a batch of frosting (from a recipe found on the 'net) that I plan to eat slabs of later today.

And tomorrow for the actual day? Dunno yet. TGM has sumptin' up his sleeve and in our time together I've come to know that his surprises are ALWAYS worth waiting for!

So all in all….I got NOTHING to complain about. Even that whole being a year older thing.

Oh, this past weekend I even got to take out my camera and try out a few things. I'm a bit rusty, to be honest, need more time at this, but a few came out well enough that I'm happy when I see them…mainly for the memories.

Here is something I call "Soon"…as in soon enough those baby grapies are gonna be big grapies and will be squashed into wine and enjoyed fermented out of a bottle. YUM! Such anticipation!

Also, lately, I've been playing around with the black and white (or…monochrome) setting on my gear.

The wine tasting was in full gear and there was this HUGE pile of corks and open bottles in various states. I was endlessly fascinated by the whole scene and many folks wondered at the peculiar chick taking photos of, you know, the table. To them I say FEH!

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Image courtesy of Mariachi Nuevo Sonido.

Screeeeeeeech

: cue the sound of screaming brakes :

Today I flipped the page on my calendar. Yes, I know it's the second of May. I'm always a tad behind on such things.

And in flipping the calendar, I had a mental hundred car pileup on the heavily trafficked highway of my mind.

I have a birthday next week. No, not a major milestone, but getting *awfully* close to a milestone.

Generally I tend to get real dramatic about a birthday well in advance. Not so this year. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to forget. But nooooo! Time marches on. B*tch. Won't let you forget.

I guess age is one of those things you can't do anything about. One can fight about it. One can also shout in a hurricane. Neither is gonna do a lot of good. But it may make you feel better.

I suppose it all comes down to something about not going gently into that good night…with all apologies to Dylan Thomas……

Ah well, I face plant into a cake with buttercream frosting and forget my sorrows. Until the next day when I'll lament my waistline.

For today, someone done broke the cake:

Pass the cake!

Feliz Cumpleaños para my blog!

Yup, it was a year ago today that I kicked off my little New Mexico blog, unsure if I was going to make it past a few months.

Here I am one year and 233 posts later, going as strong as ever.

I've learned a lot on this road.

Blogging is harder than it looks.

Before I'd get pissy when my fave bloggers didn't post something every day. Now, I'm a lot more understanding. It's no small feat to have something to say every day.

Also, it's made me a bit more microscopic in my view of the world (not like I needed any help in that department). Most everything I see in my life is a potential blog topic.

Even The Good Man will comment, "hey, you could blog about that".

It's also given me some writing discipline. I can crank out words, and that's cool.

More confidence too, in my writing.

And best of all, I've met some new online friends who've been helpful to me with ideas, suggestions, and support.

Plus it has made my feline an internet celeb! :)

If my blog were a person, I'd give this little one year old a cake and let the face mashing good times begin.

Yay!

Memories

I am quite thoughtful today. It is an anniversary of sorts, but not the happy kind.

It was three years ago today that my dad passed away in Albuquerque. In some ways it was like yesterday, how fresh the hurt is. But in other ways it seems like a million years ago.

It wasn't a surprise when he died. It was expected. He'd been sick and we knew it was inevitable. It was, actually, in many ways a relief when it did finally occur.

Losing a parent is, in my opinion, among the hardest things an adult must deal with.

I didn’t have much of a relationship with my dad, but he was my dad, after all. He was cranky, cantankerous, Type A, driven, rigid, incredibly intelligent, hardworking, a loyal friend to his friends, never lazy, handy, proud, insecure, funny, a thinker, and unstoppable.

In other words, an imperfect human.

For me, the things that needed to be said were said before he moved on. I don't have any open issues there, and I count myself lucky in that regard.

So today, I feel a bit of sadness, a bit of thoughtfulness, and the drive to keep moving ever forward.

In memory

"The legacy of Dr. King lives in each of us and we are responsible to promote, teach and live the American Dream."

Image via. Quote via.

Belated Dia de los Muertos

Yes, I know it passed me by last week. I usually at least TRY to think of those who have passed on, but didn't. See, November 2 marks the anniversary of the day The Cute Boy™ and I met. And it's a day so filled with joy and happiness that it's hard to be sorrowful.

Yet, feeling that sorrow every year is important. Circle of life, no joy without pain and all that.

I was too caught up in NaNoWriMo and celebrating love that I forgot to think about death. Not so bad a trade off, I suppose, in the long run.

My NaNoWriMo progress limps along. I wrote nary a word for the first four days (yikes) and am now some 8,000 words off the pace. But I calculated 50,000 words over 25 days and that's 2,000 words a day. Still do-able. I've got 1500 so far today, so progress has (finally!) begun.

But back to those muertos.

Today I remember the lives of those I've lost. All four of my grandparents, my father, and my best friend from high school. Of them, my high school friend is the one I can say truly didn't get a chance to live her life. My grandparents and my father lived good long lives, saw their children into adulthood and were ok when the time came to pass. The loss of my friend still gives me pain. She was too young. Such is the nature of life.

But here, when the veil between our world and theirs is thinner, easier to access, I think of those I've lost with a heart full of love.

I remember.

Paging my mother.....

Dear ol' Mom.

Ten years ago I moved to the Bay Area. In fact, almost ten years exactly. It was Memorial Day 1997.

When I told my mom I was moving, like most good moms, she was *none* too pleased that her youngest was heading to far flung places. And like the good New Mexican woman that she is, she spat the word "California" as if it tasted bad.

Mom is a natural born worrier. Her dad was a worrier. She's a worrier. I *might* have to own up to a bit of the worry myself, but not to that level. I'm a rank amateur in the field of worry compared to her.

So of course, two things just *killed* her about me moving to the San Francisco Bay Area.

Bridges and Earthquakes.

"Why would you move somewhere so dangerous," she asked, tartly and with conviction.

I reminded her that New Mexico has tornados.

She was not swayed.

"Look what happened when that bridge collapsed!" she reasoned.

I reminded her that New Mexico has flooding.

She was not amused.

"I can't understand why anyone would want to live where there are so many people!" she shouted.

I reminded here that where she lived in Belen, they had Bosque fires every year.

She glared at me.

Should I send her this link to this blog in the ABQjournal entitled "The Big One"?

Seems a 3.3 earthquake hit Soccoro.

As a now veteran of the Bay Area, I can say that a 3.3 is a "teacup rattler" and not much more.

"A Socorro city councilor told 770 KKOB Radio this morning that it was enough to knock him out of bed"

I highly doubt that. I was in a 3.5. It rattled the front door in its frame like someone was struggling to get in, and gave me a good jiggle, but my heinie stayed firmly planted on the couch. The good councilor must sleep on the edge of the bed...that's all I've got to say.

So shall I remind Moms that they have earthquakes in New Mexico, too? Or is it still too close to Mom's Day to "go there"???

*smirk*

Uh oh...here it comes.

In a few more days.

A birthday.

Not a milestone year, but another year that reminds me that I'm not getting any younger...

That I wasted the carefree years when youth and time were on my side....

That I should be a hell of a lot farther along in my career...

and in my personal life...

That I should have these inner demons by the tail. Demons that have chased me since childhood, that invade my life, my relationships, my dreams, my thoughts. After this many years of fighting the good fight, can't the soldiers just lay down arms and have a backyard bbq?

When can my demons and I share a frosty beverage, some charcoal cooked meat and learn to peacefully coexist? I don't ask the demons to leave, no, they are an essential part of the human existence. When can we learn to live peaceably in the same space? That is the question.

I am the sum of all my parts, both good and bad. Some days, like today, I absolutely love who I am and what I've become.

Somedays I can't tolerate being in my own skin. Like last week.

When did I go from being invincible to wondering if I should see a doctor about every ache and pain?

When did thoughts of my own mortality pervade my life?

Remember as a kid when you ran, it was like you were running SO fast and the wind made a whooshing sound in your ears and you felt like you could run forever and thoughts of dying, heartache, agony and disorder never crossed your little mind?

When does cynicism and melancholy take the place of easy joy? When did it swap that I have to work at staying happy instead of just *being* happy?

And when, fer cripes sakes, did we stop getting a big juicy birthday cake with a big passel of candles on top and awkwardly wrapped toys to celebrate another trip around the sun?

Where is my piñata?!?!

Ah well, birthday snarkiness is my new tradition. This should hang around a few more days, by the way, and I'll be back to regularly scheduled rantiness.

My new birth year resolutions:

1) Hug my cat more, despite the fact she doesn't like being hugged.

2) Hug my man more....he rather enjoys it

3) Tell myself I love myself one hell of a lot more.

4) Extend a hand to those demons and invite them to stop growling so loud

5) Eat. More. Cake.

To reunite...or not.

I'm thinking not.

This summer, I've been notified, is the twenty-year reunion of my high school. Oh sob.

I declined to attend the ten year. I hated high school. Oh, the school itself was fine, but that time of my life was....not great.

I didn't have many friends in high school. I was well liked by all accounts, but out of a class of 550 graduates, I would venture I only knew a few.

And I only had two real close friends that I ran around with.

The closer of the two, an amazing girl full of life and vibrancy and a laugh that would light up the stars...she would be the only reason I'd even want to go. To sit with her and issue the snark and self-deprecating humor and assure ourselves that we are cool despite all evidence to the contrary.

Sadly that beautiful sense of humorous snark was extinguished by cancer in 2005. It hardly seems the same without her.

The other is a lovely woman who has married and has three children. She is a stay at home mom and has become quite religious. I'm happy for her, she is happy with her life. It's just that...she and I no longer have anything in common.

The rehashed conversation about how I remain jealous that SHE got to date the star football player AND wear his letterman's jacket while I never not once dated in high school will only last for a few minutes.

Then we're left with...silence.

I looked at the list of other folks who are attending and I sort of know a few but nothing there is compelling me to get on a plane and spend three days with a wan smile on my face trying to pretend like 1) this is fun and 2) this used to be fun.

The gang is meeting up Friday night at Billy's Long Bar. An Albuquerque institution, indeed. There are probably bits of my DNA in the thrashed bar and the barf stained carpet. But that was a lifetime ago. That was a different me. And I'm disinclined to revisit that person I once was. I've come a long way, baby.

So despite the fact that I "should" or "it would be fun" I think I'm going to pass on the reunion again this year.

What I can't seem to get over is...why do I feel guilty about that?

Oh the life of a recovering Catholic.......